And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
