So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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