have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
