Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
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Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
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I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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