i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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