I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
