I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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