She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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