Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think people are normalizing furries
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
