On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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