There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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