also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
