please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
