What did we do last night that was yellow?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize