good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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