Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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