I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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