so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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