Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
is wine microwaveable?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
