Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
