You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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