Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
