I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
