Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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