I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
