these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
