My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
