the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
