also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
