In the future we'll all be gay
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
