I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
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In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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