He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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