she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
