He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
