I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
