Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
