its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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