Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
