New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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