and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
