Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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