i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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