I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
