You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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