WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
