Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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