The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
