Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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