I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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