I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
