How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
