oh god the rape fog is back!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
