I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
