you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
