Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
