Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
