We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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