When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
