apparently the secret to your success is patron
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i out mim tonsoeep
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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