so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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