You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
