k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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