he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
