remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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