Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
