He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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