i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
